the raycroft problem 2.7.05

so, blog readers, we have a problem. a problem of conventions and naming; and i will break conventions a little bit by discussing the naming process, interspersed with some notes about the superbowl party

it was a surprisingly fine game with amazingly limp commercials. i watched at raycroft's. which is where the problem comes in. attending were nicky marie, countess ruby, people i know much less named sheila, xavier (who was in the fantasy football league this year), and his wife ellen. all good. the naming problem comes with jaime and raycroft. jaime because she is such a character-- and a jets fan, and hella adorable, and hella sweet. but i know another who spells her name jamie. and there's guy jamie but i can use his last name.

the raycroft problem is that there are two raycrofts. and i have referred to raycroft 1's cousin, who is also raycroft, as raycroft's cousin. which is entirely inaccurate. he is his own man and he needs a nickname.

side note-- my itunes and external hard drive are, as the shea stadium board would say, getting wiggy with it.

anyway, i can't refer to one raycroft as jud and the other as dillweed, that just won't work. perhaps something esoteric, like a reference to borg names. but ten i'd be a geek and besides, i'd need trekkies to help me with the naming conventions (why # of # again, what do the number rankings mean, et cetera).

this is hard work, folks. here are some moments from the arched doorways of sunnyside, with a projected 72-plus inches of eagles/ patsies goodness on the wall (and joe "dumb" buck/ troy "head contusion" aikman/ cris "pencil neck" collinsworth providing the background yammer):

* 7.30: i have faith in the eagles and express my faith loudly. countess rou-rou might kill me with her bare hands as i tell her about the stat-- 80% of the time the first team that scores in the Supe wins. i guess we're in the 20% range, in retrospect. i like rou-rou's passion. it's strong and almost scary and that's why i dug her the first time i spoke to her years ago.

* 7.35: MC Hammer gets thrown over a fence, thereby saving a Lay's commercial that was limp even with the cute multi-racial children. i'm usually a sucker for little dark folks. brought to you by spike lee.

* 7.47: overheard 1- xavier: you can't go wrong with monkeys. it's so true. i would add penguins, too. sheila never lived with a penguin but with a mexican iguana with a 4-ft tail that had run of her apartment, and would get bitchy when she walked in, like a cat.

overheard 2- paul mccartney appears, looks into light and crowd, squints
pico: (pretending to be sir paul) that's what the sun looks like, ARRR!
jaime: (perplexed) why is paul mccartney a pirate?

7.55: if you weren't there you missed pixie raycroft's brie balls. sci-fi script raycroft is mostly disinterested on the side.

8.00: fucking patriots.

8.25: sir paul's halftime show is mad lame, ellen gets excited by the pyrotechnics. fire! fire! nicky gets to toss in a "settle down, beavis." we try to figure out if those circle effects are counterculture. the car video playing to the sides of sir paul let us know that he is doing the old beatles hit "baby you can drive my car," and provides visual excitement-- snxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

8.41: nicky's only "that's not nice!" comment about a football play.

8.48: fucking patriots. can't even make up their own dances.

9.20: captain longhair raycroft does a very good impression of ah-nold as a subway conductor. say it in the austrian accent: if you want the express, get ohut! captain shorthair raycroft does a good one also. mia calls to tell me the superbowl is lacking boobies. except for the tobasco sauce ad, a couple of cheerleaders that we don't even get to leer at, and the puerile gohappy.com mock congressional ad, i agree.

9:21: nicky b's friend is at a Superbowl party with Al Sharpton but cannot decide what side he's rooting for. effing politicians. fucking patriots. we have stopped getting cutaways to ex-president bush and ex-president clinton, bored and watching the game.

9.29: nicky, jaime and i discuss books and library cards. the eagles are down ten and about to drive and mix tape star raycroft is so gay. bacon-covered scallops? more hors d’oeuvres with brie? i don't know how model raycroft lives with him.

10.06: dear david akers, that was NOT the good bounce. way to not give your team the chance with the onside kick. it's not how jaime and i want to eliminate doug brien or anything... but you could have done better.

i stayed over at the raycroft's and played mvp baseball with pawsox raycroft and columbus clipper raycroft.

and that was that. with all the raycroft nicknames i threw in there i think we can make a whole slew of dolls by christmastime-- to rival the barbie empire, of course! maybe they'll talk and come with their own video game controllers.