this is the new year. 1.3.05

welcome to the ought-nickel.

while i normally do not comment on personal matters-- this is part of the reason i am boring to hang out with on a one on one basis, i don't talk about much that is close to me--

i usually enjoy new year's no matter what happens; it's a mindset. it's the idea that everything happens for a reason, or perhaps for a higher intention; that every experience helps us grow. as such, there aren't "bad" new year's or bad years. growth and experience is progress despite all the bad moments that people often focus on.

that theory was well tested this new year's. there is probably a lot to write about what happened, but a few people at pixel's party saw anna-lu and i arguing at the end of the evening, many months after we have broken up, mostly because she was hangry (hungry + angry) and with advancing drinking i responded to her cascade of advances.

the argument highlights what i think will be my new year's resolution to be much less of a sucker. to respond more to my needs and less to other people's. to make tough + uncomfortable decisions and stick to them. despite appearances by garth and affordable justice and toby and arroz and starla and et cetera, and despite gully and j-fies and debbie and kurt, and despite the best christmas gift ever, one half of a deez nuts shirt from eben, despite seeing silver making out with lisa and later finding out that he remembers nothing... that whole situation was bullshit.

perhaps it's the staying up all night, and the fact that since new year's i haven't been able to put together more than five hours of sleep. but since the end of new year's eve, i have not been able to be energetic about the new year, about people, about the prospect of meeting new people and/ or dating.

i will spend some time swimming and writing this week, and maybe coming up with ideas about what i will do when i am done with school in five months. perhaps by saturday i will be of a mood to watch the jets flail in their playoff game against san diego, making cross-country cellular calls to morgan and hj about their supercharger team; and check out the imo's pizza night dan d says he is having. we will see.

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enough of that. on new year's i started with diner dinner with gurnifer and rini, with two tiaras and a top hat bought outside at broadway and 86th street. the ladies were feeling a little ill and i, still recovering from the previous night, was also not in top shape. but we made do, talked about manipulative and selfish people we dated (see above for me), and then sent rini home to sleep.

i went south to two parties: pixel's was the second. elana's was the first; where i finally got to meet the incomparable jaime. it was further proof that we are not the same person, not only because that whole me turning into a white jewish woman from jersey is hard to do on a regular basis but because now we have photos. jaime is goofy and sweet and a new favorite.

rachel, you're nice too.