Popular Blog*Chanics 06.18.03

I thought I would have to come online and write about how depressed and mopey I felt, about how there was a reason I keep quitting drinking, because at times it makes me depressed and mopey and all that maudlin stuff I choose not to tell you about;

Or about how traffic reports on the radio are the most useless, simply because they are a half hour behind or more. Meaning that when you are stuck on the Williamsburg Bridge or on the BQE you receive no advice from the radio voices, who make traffic sound like the end of the world; and there you are, watching a single line of lights for an hour.

But I awoke, watched the rain pour down the gutters (again), filling the streets of neighborhoods which are converted marshlands. And I thought about what is really important.

Popularity. I want to be pop’lar, like Haylz. I don’t mean hey you on the street popular, or Up In Da Club popular. I mean internet popular. People mention Bangbrooklyn on their sites, people she don’e even know get into protracted arguments with her. What is that? I want this kind of attention! Look at me!!!

Okay, okay, I know. I will need to make a change in the web log. I will have to keep my posts to the hot button topics of today’s internet browsers. Google, Excite, send me your spiders. I’m about to drop some filth.

Shit, how do I do this? Uhm, porn! Sex! Titty! Clit!

Am I popular yet?

What if I stick cocaine up my cakehole and transport it to Bolivia—I guess that’s a reversal of fortune, right? How about to a hot club with house music? But if I talk about oral sex, maybe—okay, so once in college I was like going down on this girl and—wait. Am I popular yet? I don’t REALLY want to tell this story.

What about… I have a good one about how this one co-ed decked me in college. Or a one-night stand? Do you wanna hear that one? Dag nabbit. I can’t even get myself to tell these tales. Maybe I will never be popular. Sniff! I am too reserved to tell you such things.

I am going home to practice lying. A lot. Because when I can tell you tales, make you believe I rock hard like my friend… the internet will LOVE me!

Plus I will have more Friendsters.