Vignettes 03.19.03

---Did anyone notice, by the way, that our national Shrub had a little trouble when he told the Iraqi people not to burn their oil wells, because they are a source of -pause- Iraqi income? As if he wanted to put in “because they will stabilize our gas prices?” Plus, how long will this “war” a/k/a unfounded aggression go on? Give me your best estimates. Then, how long will the US occupation of Iraq go on? Best estimates on that one also. FOX will be running a news ticker and interactive polls; Joe Buck and Cris Collinsworth and Troy Aikman will be giving us play by play and nonsensical anecdotes.

---What did Lisa Rinna do to get famous? Besides get those fake-ass lips.

---I will not get up in Nevada Smith’s and sing Hall & Oates. Before my sixth beer. See, I’m more mature these days. My ass is under control. Plus, no matter how much someone butchers “Say It Isn’t So,” I will remain seated. But, thanks for coming out, Karen, Selvadurai, Steph, Silver, Dani, Diana. Also, thanks to Dani and Diana for filling out NCAA Tournament brackets for me. Your picks are ridiculous and probably more correct than any conventional wisdom.

---Go UNC Asheville! Congrats on winning the play-in game, and now you have a chance to be run off the court by future NBA players! Doooope. Still, what a great opportunity-- a pair of small schools that no one would normally watch get a little prime-time love, play a very good over time game filled with score changes, clutch shots, and players linking arms on the bench for luck. You played a tough-ass schedule and you’ll put up a good fight.

For five minutes on the clock. It’s tournament season.

---Yes, I am going to drink Bacardi. Because it’s my birthday.