ALL AMERICAN GIRL 03.12.03

What the fuck is this All-American Girl shit? I enjoy a parade of slim scantily clad young ass the same as the next hornball but come on-- at a certain point this shit is RIDICULOUS.

Is this a beauty pageant? Why are they in bikinis? More importantly, why are they in bikinis, wet and squirming from the pool to a climbing net and then down underneath foot-high netting over a rubber floor to then bounce up, and I do mean bounce, to take underhand basketball shots?

Why are the judges John (Best Damn Sports Show, Period) Salley, a former backup NBA center, now sports show host; Suzanne (Who the fuck is this woman?) De Passe (apparently a producer and black. Must have been a few generations back.); and Geri (Whatever Spice she was) Halliwell and her pink cheeks. By the way, Geri is still British. Picking this All-American girl. Just saying. I might have found television I won’t watch. And it’s from the creators of American Idol too. Maybe that’s why the bile’s in my throat.

Maybe now I'll learn to just watch the commercials on the other channels instead of surfing.