Friday, December 13, 2002

Northern Neighbors 12.13.02

I do believe our Toronto neighbors are getting a little too into this "Bush is a Moron" thing. They probably believe that if they yell about his stupidity long and loud enough Americans will listen. Like we listen to Canadians except when they're being dry and funny. Please. Even then we're not paying that much attention. Quick-- name me the capital of Toronto. Ha! It's a city, there is not a capital of a city, silly! Name the province Toronto is in. Too slow, it's Ontario.

Ah, Toronto, home of a huge Caribana festival, my dear uncle and aunt, and suspiciously clean streets... here is one more article from the Star. Thanks to "yallgonmakeme losemymind jones," on the defamation of the character of morons everywhere:

Nov. 26, 2002. 01:00 AM- Bush fails to meet moron criteria


The debate over whether George W. Bush is a moron continues to sputter.
Morons are outraged at being lumped in with the U.S. president.
Americans,meanwhile, are mildly amused that it has taken Canadians so long
to discover the obvious.

The controversy exploded last week when Francoise Ducros, an adviser to
Prime Minister Jean Chrétien, was overheard at a NATO meeting in Prague
saying,"What a moron," apparently about Bush.

Morons say this is an outlandish slur. "We're nice people," explained one.

"We don't threaten other countries or use the courts to steal
elections.George W. Bush may be a dangerous lunatic. But he's no moron."

Chrétien seems to agree. "He's not a moron at all," the Prime Minister told
reporters on Thursday, referring to Bush.

Still, the opposition parties are not content. The Canadian Alliance argues
that if Bush discovers he is a moron, this could affect Canada-U.S.

Chrétien, however, says there is nothing to worry about. Bush, he said,
doesn't read Canadian newspapers. Or any newspapers, for that matter.

According to the International Dictionary of Medicine and Biology, most
morons are "educable and do not require institutionalization but need some
supervision in working at some simple job by which they can become
self-sustaining members of society."

Some have argued that this definition fits Bush to a tee. In most
matters,they note, he is carefully supervised by Vice President Dick Cheney,
Defence Secretary Donald Rumsfeld and Attorney General John Ashcroft.

Cheney and Rumsfeld run Bush's wars while Ashcroft stifles domestic
opposition. At home in the White House, first lady Laura Bush is chargedwith
watching over the president.

"Since the president's inauguration, he's only been left unsupervised
once--towatch a football game on television," recalled one expert. "And look
whathappened. He fell off the couch, choked on a pretzel and hurt his head."

While the Canadian media have gone gaga over the Bush-is-moron story,
Americans seem to have taken it in their stride. "Once again, Canadians have
discovered the obvious," editorialized the Wall Street Journal dismissively.
"Duh, Canada" riposted the New York Post.

In a lengthy analysis, the New York Times pointed out that Americans
havelong made a practice of electing dead people to the Senate and morons
tothe presidency.

"This kind of flexibility is what makes U.S. democracy so vital," the Times
went on. "Why should the Senate be denied the wisdom of those who have
passed on? Why should the presidency be the preserve of the mentally

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