Tuesday, December 10, 2002

12.10.02 Things to Do While Your Subways Are Striking...

Catalogue your CD's.
Wonder what's going on in the world around you.
Smoke reefer.

A transit strike? That's ridiculous. The funny thing is that it's ridiculous to have a transit strike, but before that, it's ridiculous to offer transit workers a chance to pay more towards their pensions... reducing their take-home pay? It's one thing to tell people there are no raises (though there is that "cost-of-living" thing) available-- it comes to be expected, after all, that you are asked to wait for a little for a raise (that never actually comes). But it's another thing to essentially ask for a give back. Why not just ask them to work gratis through the Christmas season? You know, for the kids? Then extend the Christmas season until about next Christmas? That's a good idea too!

We're adaptable here in New York. We'll be fine. Right, Arroz? Those inter-Brooklyn trips will be a real blast!! I mean, imagine-- sans a car, we can all get our exercise, something our president and our Surgeon General would certainly approve of. And then, if it's a little far, and we're not near the Long island Rail Road (like I am-- how's that feel, y'all suckers!! I'll be lucky to get intimate with people from Babylon instead of people from Forest Hills!), we can follow mayor Mike's suggestion and ride our bikes!

I, personally, was a little perturbed about this suggestion. I defend Mayor Mike sometimes to my brother who I think would like to see him "removed," but this-- who says that? It sounded like "let 'em eat cake" 200 years after the fact. But, then I thought about it-- and even though I did hurt my knee, and I am working up to regular physical activity, like walking distances, biking is not so bad. If I don't have my knee lock up, or my hamstrings get all funky on me, I can get some good exercise, arrive at school good and sweaty, and experience riding in NYC traffic! I've ridden in Chicago traffic, and St. Louis traffic, so I must be ready for this one!

And Mayor Mike must have thought about that suggestion a lot. He says he'll ride his bike too! Really! It'll be great. We'll ride together in our heavy black coats. People will hit ice slicks and slip in fits of asphalt comedy. People will stop and wheeze in turns of gotham drama. Have you ever run or rode your bike in sub-freezing weather? Or sub 20 degree weather? We'll be a cool tough-guy gang!

Do we get tax credits for lost wages?

Do we get reimbursed for those exorbitant LIRR fees? $5.75 during rush hour, Mayor Mike. Maybe if I had the money, I'd take the LIRR on the regular.

Now, if we pick up a Mets Motel (I'm sorry, they changed their name-- the Metro Motel) prostitute to fulfill our 4-person in the car quota, will the rules on solicitation be eased? I mean, say, I pick up a consenting adult (or a consenting near-adult-- it happens sometimes! I swear, officer, I couldn't tell through the pigtails) and I take her to Manhattan, and we just happen to [--HAY-HAY-HAY!--] in the backseat of a car, like adults sometimes do. But I also pay her for going out of her way and assisting me in fulfilling car pool requirements. That's not illegal, is it?

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